The Balancing Act: Being a Mother, Wife, and Aspiring Author

Okay folks, we are entering into uncharted territory here. Well at least uncharted for me. Why not bring you along for the journey I have find myself on currently. What happens when you wake up one day and realize that you don’t recognize the girl staring back at you in the mirror?

At some point in the chaos of getting married and having five kids in six years, working full time in a soul sucking job to put my husband through school. The countless ballet performances, soccer games in the spring or football games in the fall. The multiple moves to multiple states to find the perfect career for my husband. I was so busy surviving that I didn’t even realize that parts of me was being slowly chipped away at.

I know I sound bratty, maybe even entitled. I am living the American dream, right? I have a beautiful family and a beautiful life that has been built with hard work…BUT there is always a but right? BUT, at what cost did this life come at? Before this life I was more than someone’s wife or someone’s mother. I had interests, hobbies, passions that filled my life.

I lost pieces of me without even knowing it. So, I guess that leaves me with a few options. Do I continue down the path content with not recognizing the girl staring back in the mirror. Continue to walk through life watching it go by in a blur OR do I try to discover who that girl staring back is now. There is no way to go backwards, I can’t become the girl I once was. To much life had happened. Spoiler, I chose finding out who the girl staring back was.

Having said all that, it leads my current journey. A lot stays the same. I am still trying to navigate being a wife, motherhood and the chaos that comes with my life, but now I am adding to the chaos with doing things that are just for me. Things that spark joy in me.

I discover that I love to read and getting lost in the stories. No one is more surprised by this than me…Let’s be honest cliff notes were my friend in high school and graduate school. So no one is more shocked than me that I am devouring books and series at an alarming rate. My new love for reading leads me to the next big step in my journey.

I guess a little back story would be helpful for this part of the journey. I have some ridiculous dating stories that often seemed more like a SNL skit than my feeble attempts to find love. I had always joked these stories would make for good material in a romance book, but that was all it was a sarcastic attempt to make fun of my bad luck in the dating arena. I was never the student who had perfect grades. My personal motto was “C’s” get degrees. Here is hoping my teens don’t read this. So, finding the courage to write my stories down took more courage that I thought I possessed. I have always been a bit of a people watcher as well. I could see someone walk by and a story starts to unfold in my head. If you combine my dating history plunders and my way to see someone’ story starts to unravel in front of me, the next step should be obvious. I needed to write a book.

The realization came quicker than the actual process of writing the book. More truth time. Five years. It took me five years to write my first book and get it published. There were lots of things that slowed the process. Some were in my control and some were not. That whole process feels like it could fill an entire separate blog post, and maybe it will one day.

The day that I got to hold my actual book in my hands for the first time filled me in a way I didn’t know I needed. The next book took me 2 months to write. I had my entire first series that comprised my first five books out in nine months.

Now what is the point of me sharing this with you? It is not to brag that is for sure. There were so many missteps and costly financial downfalls to this publishing learning curve I found myself thrust into. Again, probably a separate blog post. Nope, I shared this all with you because of the girl who is staring back at me from the mirror now.

I recognize her now. Is she the same girl that was there before life became more complicated? No, no she is not. And that is okay. I would never want to go backwards in the journey to find myself. I love my life and the titles that I wear. Mother. Wife. Cook, homework buddy, uber driver. The list can go on and on. Trust me when I say I will not be sad to see uber driver be retired from my list of titles.

There is a new title that I am still getting used to. I have a hard time excepting it for whatever reason. The title of author is one that I am quick to deny or downplay whenever someone confronts me with it. There are countless excuses I could give you but honestly it is the title that helped me discover who the girl in the mirror was. Helped me realize that I am more than any one role or title that I have been given over the last 17 years prior.

I feel at my age that I would have a better grasp on the bigger picture. The reality is some days I feel like I am just scratching the surface of figuring out this crazy life. If you have stuck with me this far, I hope that means that you are here for the journey with me. I used to think it was selfish to want it all. How could I be a good wife and mother if I was taking time to do something for myself. I was an idiot. It was not selfish. It is okay to not lose yourself while still fulfilling other roles in life. Well at least that is what this girl thinks right now. Armed with my usual dose of sarcasm, humor an unhealthy level of Diet Pepsi on the rocks I will keep posting. Keep writing until the stories stop coming.